Most stories finish with an ending but mine finishes with a beginning. When I stepped away from the “red carpet drive” I made promises to myself and I kept them.
Promises that I would do anything I had to to do to recover. I promised to see progress, not perfection, that I would make peace with food and feed myself lovingly, I promised I would catch up to my dreams – dreams of writing and performing my songs. I spent my life stifling that dream down so far that I almost lost it.
Blue rain is a song about a healthy state of mind and a heart full of hope; a promise to never give up on yourself and a reminder that you don’t need to try so hard. That everything will fall in line just as it’s supposed to.
I hope these lyrics make you pause, maybe look up to the sky, and take a minute out of your day to dream and believe that something good is going to happen for you!
I made promises to myself and kept them,
that’s what “blue rain” means to me, what is your promise to yourself?
Red Carpet Drive
Is a song about an ending. An ending to the “drive” to be “Red Carpet” ready, a striving for perfection.
It was written on the lowest night of my life.
I was consumed by an eating disorder and fuelled by perfectionism that had completely taken over. It was taking away my life, my husband, my work, it was confusing my kids and taking over my body and mind.
Any person dealing with an addiction or disorder becomes a master at hiding it, so much so that we create two lives that tragically coexist; the person we really are and the actor we portray. Like an actor, we walk down that red carpet that is our life, with perfect posture, a perfect smile, while giving the impression that we have it all together, that we are living a perfect life. However the real me was suffering and couldn’t admit it. By the time I admitted I needed help, no one took me seriously because I had fooled them all. I realized perfectionism was just as much an illness as any other and I needed to acknowledge, admit and let it go.
This song describes how admitting it to myself and others would make it the last time I would suffer this alone. My life is not a red carpet and I’ve let go of the drive to be red carpet ready.
There is only one me. The real me.
That I want to share with you.